Portland, Oregon.
there’s a strange sensation that flows through me upon realization that somewhere out there in the world, the girl i’m going to marry and spend the rest of my life with is currently walking around, grocery shopping, ordering a coffee, dancing around in her pajamas, or even asleep. it’s terrifying when you want to know who she is, whether or not she’s how you’ve always pictured her to be, but in the end, you’ll never really know who this girl is. you’ll meet hundreds of women in your lifetime. from strangers, acquaintances, classmates, friends, to lovers, but you’ll never really know for sure whether or not you’ve got the right one.
how can you tell? that totally beats the hell out of me. i’ve had many love interests in my life, many didn’t really share the same for me. i tell myself, they weren’t the “one” or maybe i was just bullshitting myself, because i’ve always half-assed my efforts in getting a girl, to be honest. i was never a ladies man, i never had my ways with a woman. my social skills are ineffective and i’m only social around those who know the deeper part of me. i know for sure that whoever this girl is, will disregard that and see me for who i really am.
it’s hardly a fairy tale or romantic comedy. things never really go the way you expect it to, but i know deep down that there’s this girl somewhere that upon meeting her, something will happen. a spark, a connection between us that can be found nowhere else. it’s not something that can be described, i don’t think. i don’t even know, for it hasn’t happened yet. i’m just putting my faith on the idea that it’s a possibility that’s bound to happen.
now who is this woman? she’s a complete mystery. she’d be someone i could connect with much more on a mental level. she’d understand my jokes and faults, she’d share with me the stories of all the bad days she ever had, and she’d share with me her grandest ideas and thoughts, her dreams, her goals. she would be more than a lover, she’d be a best friend, someone i could watch crappy netflix movies with all day long, she’d be there for me for every occasion and she would know that i would be there for her. she’s strong, emotional, caring, and funny. she’d have a sense of style that would surprise me every time i catch a glimpse of her, leaving me wanting more. she would also be her own woman, with her own friends, her own job, and is living her own life while happily sharing it with mine. but of course, life never gives us what we want, does it? every person is with their faults, this girl is not perfect, she’ll be with her quirks, her imperfections, her clumsiness, but then again. that’s probably the only reason why i would fall for her even more.
wherever she is, she’s out there.
My friends are out, i’m at home packing, but that doesn’t bother me, no not at all. In a few hours i’ll be on my way to new sights, new people, and new experiences. I have realized after looking at my suitcase, there isn’t really much in my life. There really isn’t much at all.
